Simmal Blog

December 2006

16/12/2006

In the presence of greatness

Reclusive iconic boy prodigy and world renowned Chinchilla expert Neil Hamilton (AKA world`s cleverest man pictured left) has agreed to deliver this season’s alternative Christmas message. Lord Sir Professor Doctor Hamilton AIQM M Inst Mech FATO ABCD KPMG BBC CIA WC CUL8R will deliver mid week, week ending 22nd December, If you check out one Christmas Message this year make it the words of the great man himself.

This is Frank Power, for News at Simmal at the home of aluminum.

13/12/2006

♫ Keep on Trucking baby ♫

Christmas came early at our Yorkshire office (home of the four wise men and a virgin) when they took delivery of a brand spanking new vehicle earlier this week...can life get any better, I think not. We now have eleven err twelve mmmm thirteen, well loads of wagons.

This is Charlotte Salt Transport Correspondent, from the home of aluminium Preston.

06/12/2006

Charlotte world exclusive

Ace newshound and on the spot reporter Charlotte Salt recently tracked elusive boy genius Neil Hamilton, AKA world’s cleverest man (pictured left) to his isolated Preston bunker. Her mission, to explore the thinking behind Neil’s much hyped simmal.info site. This is how it went, “Chas…it’s over to you!”

Ace newshound and on the spot reporter Charlotte. “Neil much has been said in the media about simmal.info. How would you characterise the reasoning behind it, and ultimately the impact on the staff and the customers of Simmal."

The following is the abridged version of Neil’s reply taken from the original 675 page answer. Neil Hamilton “The main purpose of the internal Simmal Employee Information system is to improve quality and communication. One of the most important quality related factors in any business is communication. Our quality policy, requirements, procedures and measures of performance etc must be crystal clear to all our employees. In most companies, many quality problems, large and small, have been directly caused by a lack of communication of some kind. It is for this reason that Simmal`s Quality Management System is now electronic which simplifies and improves the flow of communication to our employees. This takes us one step closer to achieving our goal: To give our customers the very highest quality of service available within our business sector”.

This is Charlotte Salt
For News at Simmal
At the home of aluminium

01/12/2006

Neil Hamilton Watch

Neil Hamilton AKA world`s cleverest man, pictured alongside, has been conspicuous by his absence in recent weeks. We apologise unreservedly to his legions of fans who have literally besieged the inbox this week seeking information. We can now exclusively reveal that Neil is working on some key projects amongst which are, bringing peace to the Middle East, curing all the worlds known diseases, rebuilding the ozone layer, and building a phase three cylcotronic uranium photosynthesiser from old Fairy Liquid bottles. Neil anticipates completing these tasks early January, at which time his regular musings will make a welcome return.