Simmal Blog
January 2007
23/01/2007
Happy birthday to you
It isn’t often this column acknowledges birthdays, however today is a monumental occasion, none other than the birthday of the great man himself, Neil Hamilton AKA world’s cleverest man, pictured left. Neil was born on the swamp planet, Dagobah 847 years ago today. Quickly mastering pi at the age of two Neil went on to study rusks, concentrated orange juice and Cow and Gate milk before graduating in particle physics age 4. Quantum fusion was Neil’s first love, and following a stint in the SAS (aged 9) seeing active service he was awarded the DSO, MC,VC, AEIOU and the DISCO (the latter for services to moon walking ) when he understudied for John Travolta in the hit 70’s musical Saturday Night Fever. Neil then spent a number of years redefining the space time continuum whilst achieving Cub Scout badges in whittling, first aid and long range strategic financial forecasting. The full story of his amazing life before favouring us with his presence can be found in his number one best selling autobiography amusingly called “Just Kneel”…Neil …many happy returns…
14/01/2007
Money Changing hands in dark corners…
Rumours of money changing hands in darkened corners were confirmed today when Neil Hamilton, AKA the world’s cleverest man, confirmed bronze awards had been paid to a number of staff as part of the recently launched suggestion scheme. These will now automatically go forward to the big money gold award at the end of the year. A simple idea by Keith and Barry, with the help of Ronnie was implemented and operational within 24 hours. Their suggestion has halved the handling and doubled the production of long length extrusions on one of our saws. We would like to have uploaded a picture showing the before and after, but this would alert our less creative competitors to our cutting edge (what a pun) operational advantage!!..Instead we will put up a gratuitous picture of Neil Hamilton, AKA world’s cleverest man instead.
06/01/2007
Happy New Year from the Home of Aluminium
Popmungus, beaticious, debutante, party girl and all round posh bird Charlotte “what’s Charl got she’s got the lot” Salt is the perfect eye catching opener for our 2007 season.
Born Preston in 1988 Charlotte has been going out with big time Johnny Depp fan Jack (likes to be called Captain Jack after his Pirates of the Caribbean hero) for over 20 months …it will never last!..that’s a quote from Soccer AM not me!
Charlotte loves Italian food, “conservative and mild or hot and spicey?”..definately the latter she almost purred!
Charlotte likes back stabbing bitchy people and dislikes friendly funny people who are up for a laugh…well I think that’s what she said, and knocks back G&T like the late Queen Mum and Princess Margaret. Charlotte goes for looks above personality (sorry Jack) and brains above personality, shallow end that way…she didn’t actually but it just makes for better copy.
“What’s good at Simmal?” everything. “What’s not good?” nothing, other than she would prefer to work longer hours and work weekends, be paid less and sacrifice her holidays for the good of the company. John please note.
Her hero is her dad, is the correct answer, has no brothers and sisters but tragically has a Ronaldo poster on the bed room wall. For all readers please note this tip. Ronaldo posters are best viewed when rotated through 90°. This captures the player in his very best high diving majesty.
Charlotte likes dark chocolate, dresses not jeans, and Manchester not Liverpool. Her most sentimental possessions, what she would run into a burning building to save, no not her pink bicycle, wait for it…her shoes (shallow end this way…again). Last book she read, “Jip and Ben ran up the big hill after the red lorry!”, CD Red Hot Chilli Peppers, but doesn’t buy DVD’s as she prefers to lig pirated ones (no not those Jack) from her homie and career criminal bessiest mate Jenny.
Perfect day out, The Trafford Centre (shallow end this way for the third and final time) perfect night in, watching out takes and extra scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean with Captain Jack. Death penalty not life imprisonment, cooked breakfast not continental, and never had a nickname cos she was too posh!
As everyone knows Charlotte combines brains with looks, commons sense, musical ability, charity work, animal welfare, green issues, global warming and many, many more good things. She is our chief investigative reporter and will be at the forefront of all the breaking news stories in 2007.
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