Simmal Blog
January 2008
25/01/2008
And now for something completely different
Two things the writer just can’t abide, sexism and chauvinism. Thus with that in mind it was great to see posh tottie Lucia Westhead, pictured left, totter up to Oakshott on her Jimmy Choos on a moral boosting day long sabbatical. Since appearing in Binge Britain, dubbed Lancashire’s answer to Brittany Spiers, the poshster has reigned in her wild child behaviour in favour of developing her more charitable interests. Not for LW (or LBW as we prefer to call her.. as she bowls you over) two weeks in Benidorm this summer, no, she is off to excavate ground level urinals at the Umdabaningie Sitholey Leper Colony in Central Burkina Faso. We wish her a scratch free return
This is Jacqui Newton, our dermatological correspondent, for News at Simmal at the Home of Aluminium
20/01/2008
Neil Hamilton to lead western world ?
Simmal today issued a stern hands off warning to American Republican Party leaders amid extravagant rumours linking eremite wunderkind and iconic political heavyweight Neil Hamilton (AKA world’s cleverest man pictured left) as a late runner for their party nomination.
Simmal spokesperson Jacqui Newton (25) brusquely sideswiped questions at an earlier impromptu press conference stating “this is typical of the trite tittle tattle that occurs every year during the January transfer window. I can confirm that I have spoken with the great man himself, and that yes he is indeed off on Tuesday 5th of February (Super Tuesday) but it is not to attend the Alabama Caucus. He is actually visiting his Great Aunt Mabel in Cleethorpes."
This is a relieved Jacqui Newton, political correspondent, for News at Simmal at the Home of Aluminium.
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