Simmal Blog
January 2009
20/01/2009
Louis Hamilton eat my fumes
Neil Hamilton AKA world’s cleverest man and ex racing driver(pictured left) needed all his Fomula one expertise following a near death blow out at speed in driving snow on the M62 this week. Witnesses likened his composure to that of heroic Hudson River pilot Chelsey Sully Sullenberger the Third as his high performance Ford Focus 1.3 (diesel) slewed across 3 lanes before grinding to a halt within full view (through binoculars) of a school a hospital and an old lady returning an overdue library book. A police spokesman praised the great man, saying had it not been for his cool head and rapid reflexes under immense pressure “we would have been filling body bags!”
This is Lucia LBW Westhead our Top Gear correspondent, for News at Simmal at the Home of Aluminium
15/01/2009
Come out come out where ever you are
The recession is biting and the companies that survive will undoubtedly be the ones that adapt best to the current rapidly changing circumstances. One of the most adaptable organisations in the world are the Mujahideen/Taliban, they have successfully overcome very challenging conditions over decades nay centuries. It thus made sense to despatch Neil Hamilton (pictured above) AKA world’s cleverest man, and lauded expert in the field of guerrilla warfare and counter insurgency to Helmand province to witness these tactics at first hand.
Neil will be writing a monthly column when he eventually finds his way back out of the cave.
This is Captain Lucia LBW Westhead our Bora Bora correspondent, for News at Simmal somewhere in Afganistan
15/01/2009
For all other things there is master card
Hey the credit crunch it’s not all bad news you know…any one who uses the motorway services will identify with this. For the last 5 years you had to plan your journey to avoid having to stop at the services. There are stories of people who’s bladder have exploded such was the collective fear of having to stop, park and run the terrifying gauntlet of the credit card switching people (one pictured left) Concealed via a Potter like cloak of invisibility, with their bleached blond hair, short skirts and smoke withered skin, they would select their victim like a lion at a wildebeest convention, attack from the front; flirting, flaunting, seducing, luring with their promises of nought per cent, and zero balance transfers…well no more, they’ve gone the way of Woolies, and quite frankly I for one miss them!
This is Lucia LBW Westhead our Financial correspondent for News at Simmal at the Home of Aluminium
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